Gaius, The Relationships Councilor
by lolzy33
Summary: "Whaattt? You want me to help you with WHAT, sire?" One unsuspecting old man gains yet another job and reputation of sorts within the walls of King Arthur's own castle. One-shot.


Gaius, the Relationships Councilor

**A/N This is my first Merlin fanfic, so having extra grace towards any mistakes I might unintentionally make would be appreciated. This'll definitely turn into crack, most all of my fics do. So just keep the needed OOCness in mind. XD Reviews would be exquisite, thank you. And no, I do not own Merlin.**

* * *

"Gaius…I need your help."

Gaius, court physician extraordinaire, looked up to see just who was requesting his help. "Yes, milord?" He said upon realization that the person in question was none other than Arthur Pendragon, the king himself.

Arthur awkwardly shuffled into the room, taking in all the various medicines and potions all the while. He took a seat across from Gaius, who was filling out prescriptions for some other patients. "I need your help with Guinevere." Arthur blurted out. He then tried to minimize the damage caused by his undignified blunder by coughing awkwardly, which of course, made no difference.

Gaius's owlish eyes peered over at Arthur through his spectacles. "Whattt? You want me to help you with _what_, sire?" He tried to retain a somewhat polite tone of voice despite his surprise. _Perhaps I really am getting old. I'm starting to hear things. _

Arthur sighed impatiently. "Guin-e-vere," he repeated slowly, as if that explained everything. "I miss her, and I don't know what to do," he added to clear things up.

Gaius tapped his chin with his quill pen in thought. "Not that I won't do everything in my power to help you, milord, but don't you usually go to your knights, Merlin, or even Agravaine for things such as this?"

"Tavern." Arthur explained shortly.

"All of them?" Gaius's eyes widened.

Arthur nodded. "Yep."

"Goodness." Gaius shook his head.

"Well…?" Arthur steered the conversation back on track and waited for Gaius's reply.

"Well…If the king needs a relationships councilor, then a relationships councilor I'll be." Gaius paused to polish his spectacles before slipping them back on to stare intently at Arthur. "Hmmm…For you, I'd suggest possibly forgiving Gwen and then lifting her banishment, going on to live a life of wedded bliss," he snorted, waving a hand as if to cast away the "ridiculous" advice he had just given Arthur. "But that's preposterous, of course. No, what I'd suggest is a nice, cold tankard of mead." Gaius nodded, pleased with himself and his good advice giving ways.

"Thanks Gaius, you're the best!" Arthur stood up to hurry away to the nearest tavern.

"Anytime, sire!" Gaius called out before heading off to bed; unaware of what events would unfold the next day.

* * *

The next day, Gaius was up bright and early to crush herbs for the next batch of medicine. He ground away at the leaves with his pestle and mortar, only stopping long enough to notice the knight standing in the doorway. "Oh, hello Gwaine."

"And hello to you too, old man." Gwaine greeted with a short wave before striding into the room. "Say," the tall, dark knight said as he picked up some interesting trinket from one of the tables, "I need a little advice, and I heard that you're the man to talk to. Do you think you could help me?"

Gaius was wary, but just shrugged and went along with it. "Alright, I'll see what I can do. What seems to be the problem?"

Gwaine approached Gaius, looking left and right to make sure no one was eavesdropping on them. "This has to be completely between us, okay? Okay." Gwaine took a deep breath and went on, not letting Gaius respond. "Well, you see, I know she's kind of the king's girl and all, but, um…do you think I still have a chance with Gwen?"

"Erm…" Gaius squirmed uncomfortably. "Why don't you go watch paint dry, or push a hoop with a stick, or whatever it is that you youngsters do for fun nowadays? Or hey, I know! Why don't you go get drunk? Yeah, that's a good idea." Gaius could have high-fived himself with all the brilliant ideas he was cranking out lately.

"But…but I'm always drunk!" Gwaine sputtered.

"Well, you apparently don't get drunk enough, or we wouldn't be in this mess, now would we?" Gaius put on his "Well, duh" face as he gestured around at nothing in particular, but it was obvious that he was talking about the whole awkward ordeal with Gwen.

"You have a point there…" Gwaine murmured, visions of alcohol and wild nights at the tavern dancing through his head. It had been far too long. "I'm going to the tavern." He marched to the door, thanking Gaius briefly before vanishing.

Gaius brushed his clothes off, glad that that was over with. "Now, to work."

* * *

"Gaius! Where is that man…Gaius!" Merlin ceased his searching momentarily to listen for any response. Instead of a yelled back reply, Merlin was met with the sounds of crying from the next room over. "Gaius…?" He repeated, gently opening the door to see what all the fuss was about. What he was met with was a most odd sight, something Merlin could never have thought up even in one of his weirder dreams. There on the floor was the strong and usually silent Percival, bawling his eyes out to Gaius, of all people.

"There, there…" Gaius tried to hush Percival, but to no avail.

"I'm doomed to be forever alone…Everyone I love ends up dying…" Percival hiccupped, wiping his eyes on the hanky that Gaius was offering him.

Gaius patted Percival's back. "I'm sure you'll find someone, just be patient," he soothed for about the thousandth time.

Merlin cleared his throat to alert everyone to his presence. "What's wrong with Percy?" He whispered to Gaius once he had gotten the old man's attention.

"I think he's upset about Lamia…and stuff." Gaius whispered back.

Merlin sighed. "I understand the feeling." He thought about Gwen, Freya, Morgana…and before he knew it, he was on the floor crying his eyes out along with Percival.

"Oh for heaven's sake, not you too, Merlin." Gaius looked down at the two men exasperatedly. He threw his entire hanky collection at them but nothing worked. All he could do was watch them helplessly.

"I love you, bro!" Merlin sobbed, giving Percival a man-hug.

"I love you too, man!" Percival returned the man-hug, still crying his eyes out on Merlin's shoulder.

"Whoa, it looks like those two could seriously use a trip to the tavern." Gwaine commented. Arthur leaned against the open doorway and nodded in agreement. "Any of you guys wanna come with?" Gwaine offered.

Gaius tiredly got to his feet, stepping over Merlin and Percival before following Gwaine and Arthur out the door. "Sure. I could really go for a nice, cold tankard of mead."


End file.
